As I was preparing the final draft of this book, someone I know only peripherally came over to my house on an errand – he was with an ex-lover of mine. In casual conversation, he slipped on a pronoun and referred to me as “he.” Let me tell you what happened, the way it looked from inside my head. The world slowed down, like it does in movies when someone is getting shot and the filmmaker wants you to feel every bullet enter your body. The words echoed in my ears over and over and over. Attached to that simple pronoun was the word failure, quickly followed by the word freak. All the joy sucked out of my life in that instant, and every moment I’d ever fucked up crashed down on my head. Here was someone who’d never known me as a man, referring to me as a man. Instead of saying or doing anything, I shut down and was polite to him for the rest of the time he was in my house.
Kate Bornstein on passing (in her book, Gender Outlaw)
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Jessica
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Jessica
I had my genital surgery partially as a result of cultural pressure: I couldn’t be a “real woman” as long as I had a penis. Knowing what I know now, I’m real glad I had my surgery, and I’d do it again, just for the comfort I now feel with a constructed vagina. I like that thang!
Kate Bornstein on her sex reassignment surgery (in her book, Gender Outlaw) -
Jessica
People ask what it was like to have had that kind of privilege, what it was like to lose it, why in the world did I give it up. To have it was like taking drugs, to get rid of it was like kicking a bad habit. I gave it up because it was destroying me and the people I loved.
Kate Bornstein on Male Privilege (in her book, Gender Outlaw) -
Jessica
My life has so become AU-topsy turvy! Somehow, I think I am going to say that in the cadaver lab…
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Jessica
[Brueghel] is student govt. as hilarious/horrifying/depressing as your actual govt.? [jessicaofdenver] Somehow, yes.
A random conversation on TSGirlfriend chat -
Jessica
jessicaofdenver jessicaofdenver i have a ex named James Bang thats his real name
AllyCollina on TSGirlfriend chat -
Jessica
I think that the people in Student Government don’t like me. Well, if that seems to be the case – here’s to me and to hell with them. ^_^
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Jessica
You can view statistics too!
Did you know that the statistics programme I have installed (Shaun Inman’s Mint) is publicly viewable? In case you were curious, you can check it out at http://statistics.jessicasideways.com/
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Jessica
I just talked with Samara: No eviction until next Thursday. Thank the goddess, I will have my cheque from financial aid by then. ^_^
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Jessica
“You owe more devotion to the people around you than you do to some mystical spook in the sky. If there is a god, She has no need of being worshipped, and if She is good, no need to have her creations reject each other, and if She is secure and truly powerful, no need to encourage conversion and conquest.”
Jennifer Diane Reitz
Jessica 9:54 pm on February 9, 2010 Permalink
This is one of the most apt descriptions of how it feels to be incorrectly “gendered”.